Jokes and Comedy

                                                                           JOKES

                                                   

The government  announced that if you have 5 children your salary will increased by 100%

OMONIGHO heard the news and said to his wife, “Darling, I have a child with my girlfriend.” When he came back, he saw one of his children at home. He asked his wife, “where are the others?” she replied, you are not the only one who heard the news, “THERE FATHERS HAVE COME FOR THEM” 

2                                                              the strange Kitchen

Tega the house boy usually sneaks into his Oga’s room, drinks his wine and adds water to top up. One day Oga bought a new winecalled pastis, a French wine that changes colour if water is added onto it.

Tega unaware of this, sneaks in, drank the new wine and added water to it.

Immediately it started changing colour.

Tegas: I am in trouble, big trouble.

He ran to the kitchen. Meanwhile, Oga and madam were seated in the parlour, while Tega was in the kicten

OGA: Tega

Tegas: Oga

OGA:  who drank my pastis? No answer

OGA:  Tega ,who drank my pastis?. No answer. Oga walked to the kitchen and saw Tega there.

OGA: Are you insane or what? Why when I call, you say “Oga”but when I ask you a question you don’t answer me.

Tega: Oga when you are in the kitchen you don’t understand anything, Except your name.

OGA: Is that so ?. Okay go to the parlour, stand beside madam and ask me a question while I stand here.

Tega went and did what oga said

Tega: Ogaaaaaaa

OGA: Yes Tega

Tega: who goes into the maid’s bedroom when madam is not at home?. No answer

Tega: Ogaaa You dey hear me, I say who dey sneak enter the house girl room when madam no dey house? No answer . No answer. Oga runs out of the kitchen.

OGA: Wonders shall never end. Tega, it is true o , when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, expect one’s name.

MADAM: That’s is not true. It’s a lie.

Tega : Madam, do you want to be tested?

MADAM: Yes

Tega: Oya enter the kitchen, She enters.

Tegas: Madam!!!!!

MADAM: Yes Teg …

Tega : Who is junior’s biological Father? Me or Oga

 Madam rushed out of the kitchen.

MADAM : This kitchen needs to be fumigated o!!!!, I can’t understand anything at all.

 

                                                      THE PINIC JOKE

Three friends Omoefe, Rukewe and Oghene decided to go for a picnic.Rukewe packs the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches. Oghene carried the basket and they set for the pack 100km away. It takes them 2 hours to

Get there. When they arrived, Rukewe quickly spread the mat and set out the sandwiches. After checking around,

Oghene found out that rukewe did not gab the bottle opener.

They then begged Omoefe to make the 4 hour trip to and fro for the opener. He disagreed.

“you’ll finish the sandwiches before I return,” “No we won’t”, assured Rukewe.

After some more cajoling from them, Omoefe reluctantly sets out for the opener.

After 5 hours, there was no sign of Omoefe. They decided to wait for another 3 hours. Still no sign of Omoefe.

Oghene and Rukewe after waiting on Omoefe for more then 8 hours were very hungry, so they decided to take one sandwich each . As they were about to eat, Omoefe jumps out from behind a rock screaming:

“I KNEW IT! I’M NOT GOING AGAIN!!”

                                                    OMOEFE  EXAM SHEET

Q: Why are condoms transparent?

A: So that sperms can atleast enjoy the scenery

Q: What is the new AIDS Awareness slogan?

Ans: try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?

A: Men will hget their salary everyday and women will bleed to death

Q: Why do 90% girls have left boob bigger than right?

A: Because 90% boys are right handed.

Q: What is the differene between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?

A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY… it is SHOWTIME!

Q: What does a signboard outside a prostitute’s house say?

A: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy.

 

THE VILLAGE GIRL

Omiogbolo was making love to a village girl she suddenly realized he was not using a condom.

Village girl: “U” re not using a condom”?

Omiogbolo: “Yes, I ‘m not”.( hard at work)

Village girl: “ Hope u don’t have HIV/AIDS.

Omiogbolo: “NO”.

Village girl: “ Thank God! Coz I don’t want to get that thing again”

                                                           

                                                              THE ATM CARD

Fejiro wanted to use his ATM card but the machine kept on rejecting it. A frustrated Fejiro called his bank help line.

Fejiro: (Angrily) So what’s wrong with my ATM card.

Bank girl: Sir, I have checked your c account, everything is alright here and you should be able to use your card, are you sure your card is not damaged or broken?

Fejiro: Are  you Mad? What are you insinuating? No one takes good care of their ATM card like I do.

Bank girl: Okey Sir, are you also sure the surface isn’t wet or stained with dirt?

Fejiro: You dey Mad? ATM card whey I dey pet llike egg. As a matter of fact, I even laminated it last week when I laminated my Identity card.